Underworld Awakening, Go Back to Bed

Seriously, who made this?

This movie is why we DON’T let highschoolers direct movies. Why they have to toil in their own failures for a decade before they get a glance from the studio system. This movie is why we have good film makers – so we don’t have to watch trash like this.

Seriously, the movie basically kills every main character off from the first trilogy just to relaunch the brand in the wake of Twilight, and keeps the two leads alive – Selena (who’s name isn’t mentioned until the last 20 minutes [what’s up with that]) and Michael, her man lover, who should have died, but didn’t… because the girls need something to look at, I guess?

Better yet, during the time you’re hoping he’s dead they introduce another beautiful young man that could take his place and – somewhat bravely – they kill him.

ONLY TO BE BROUGHT BACK FROM DEATH 5 MINUTES LATER. Do vampires’ hearts beat? because she pumped his heart by hand (also, nobody revived any of the other 50 dead vampires that were surrounding them, wtf?).

He drops out of the movie, to be reintroduced alive and shotgun slinging like an idiot in the end. They introduce a detective in the beginning, who completely falls out of the movie until the end, when he is reintroduced with a PREPOSTEROUS motivation for helping our main character, is NEARLY killed, but lives.

And the other new character, Selena’s daughter, is a super human with the worst CG/Makeup in the history of cheesy sci-fi/fantasy action thriller horror’s.

Movies have to have a COST. There needs to be death to give the life value. Selena, a vampire is walking around with IMMUNITY to both LIGHT AND SILVER. SHE IS A VAMPIRE. SHE ESSENTIALLY CAN NO LONGER DIE. Her one love? FOUND ALIVE NEAR THE END. NO COST. NO LOSS. Her Daughter? Lives. Her new friend/probably love interest until the hack producers said to keep Michael alive dies and comes back to life.

The creators of this movie are so impotent it’s frankly offensive that they would put this to be sold with their names on it. Underworld 1 was at least intriguing – cutting edge art direction, european sensibilities and a Romeo and Juliet-esque love story… except Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy, that’s where it’s power comes from. And everyone ends up living. What the hell?

Anyway, skip it. Please. Go watch Red Tails. At least they made it campy on PURPOSE.

And look at this pic:

How could someone so beautiful make something so ugly?


2 thoughts on “Underworld Awakening, Go Back to Bed

  1. The first film has 2 R&J stories. The first “Juliet” is brutally killed by her own father… I’d consider that a tragedy, and they aren’t about to kill the stars of the franchise. If you didn’t like the first 2 (the 3rd was garbage so I’m not counting it) why did you bother seeing this one?

    • Totally forgot about that, and i liked the first (I remember hating the second) but I watched it because it was a Tuesday, it’s half price, and I never pass up on a movie 🙂

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